The healing process of love

I haven't posted for a very long time. I had noticed that most of my posts were focused on trying to convince myself that I was still a valuable person even in the wake of rejection. I know that everyone experiences rejection at some point in their life and that it always feels like no one will understand how much it hurts. But knowing this doesn't ease the grief. I am in a good place these days--a healing place. I focus on all the beauty in the world, on the love I feel for this life and on my gratitude for my connection to all that is. But I still miss him. I still cry myself to sleep. And I still love him. It was his birthday recently and I sang him "Happy Birthday" even though I know he wouldn't know or care. Our song plays on the radio and I still turn it up and cry while I sing along. I had thought I was doing okay, but I saw him a few weeks ago and I just wanted to curl up in a little ball and cry. Now I find myself having to crawl back out of my pit of despair yet again. If nothing else, I am doing my best to take the steps to improve my life. He got married awhile ago and it really wasn't very long after he had stopped seeing me. They both looked happy and I am glad that he found someone he wanted to love and someone who he wanted to let love him. But it doesn't stop my pain. I don't feel better. I don't feel complete. I still miss him. I still love him. After this long I think I always will. Some times people will suggest that I just need to find someone new, that this mystery guy is going to sweep in and make everything all better. The truth is I never want to be in love with anyone else. I know he made his choice and that he is happy with it--it worked for him. But I also know that while I may get to honor his choice I do not have to make the same one. That mentality is like saying that its okay for me to steal a TV if someone else broke in first. I have more integrity than that. I know that it might not make sense and the only explanation I can give is to say that I know what and why I am making this choice. He may not know on a third dimensional level how I feel and he may never feel the same about me, but those are just small things in comparison with all that is. All of this hasn't made me unwilling to love. In fact my experience is that my capacity to love has increased exponentially. And I have not become a "man hater". On the contrary I see the beauty, grace and power in every man. I certainly have a journey ahead of me. I am clear that there will be many bumps in the road, but I know where I am going and I am committed to my path. I will still cry myself to sleep sometimes. I will still celebrate his birthday. I will still sing our song. I will still miss him. And I will still love him. The difference is I will embrace my choice and let it empower and support me in my life instead of selling out to my fear and using it as a stumbing block. Love is the only truth I've ever known. What would love do? I am doing it.