a matter of trust

What does it mean to trust? I have heard many theories. Everything from trusting means I need something from the other person so trust is just another word for neediness to that trusting means simply to allow the Divine flow of the universe to unfold without my need to change, control the outcome of events. I think that perhaps--at least for me--that trust is somewhere nestled between these two extremes. But that doesn't actually clarify anything for me. I often find that trusting also adds the confusion of trusting me and my heart versus trusting the words of other people. And if their actions say something different than their words it becomes even more confusing.

I can't say that every single time I say I am going to do something that it happens. But I can honestly say that I do my very best for this to be the case and that every day, every moment I am improving. I am becoming a woman of my word. I think it is the sign of my maturity as well as my ownership of being a creator that most effectively supports my improvement. It is important to me that I be trustworthy and that means I am my word. There are no excuses, no reasons, no stories with which to avoid my results and my accountability.

I do feel that I am deserving of the trust of those around me. And I strive each and every moment to continue to be worthy of their trust. As for my ability to trust others I truthfully find that a sorely vexing hardship for me. It is in my nature to trust, openly and freely. And because of this natural inclination to trust, I am often hurt by those I trust at the deepest levels. And because it is also in my nature to be forgiving, I am often hurt multiple times by those I trust. I've thought about just not trusting, but the truth is, I can't really go against my true nature for very long so I just get to take a deep breath and suck up the "bad" with all the "good".