on my own two feet

As a young child I held many hands as I learned to walk. In all cases I placed my hand and my trust fully in the person supporting me. And invariably I stumbled and fell sometimes; perhaps even badly enough to cause me pain. But what is truly amazing is that one day I was able to stand on my own two feet and take a few steps on my own. Soon I was walking and even running anywhere I chose to go.

I stand between my mom and my daughter and I see the chains and the pain that are the stumbling blocks of my family and I feel a passion to end the self-inflicted suffering here and now. To sever the bindings of our prison and escape into the sunshine of creation. There is a story I heard once of a prison where the warden always gave those prisoners on death row a choice between death and what lay beyond a certain door. The choice was always death. When a guard asked what lay beyond the door the warden simply replied, "Freedom."

For me this story is very applicable to my life now. I am being given a choice. One choice is to experience something painful and yet familiar. The other choice is to embrace and experience the unknown. Do I choose the familiar path? Or the other? It seems an easy and logical choice, I know. And yet there is something infinitely unsettling about the unknown. I like to know the path I tread and this is rather like setting out on a hike through the woods at midnight on a cloudy night alone. But truth be told I am so very tired and the painful path is not one I look forward to walking again.

I look at my life in this moment and realize with infinite clarity that I have been holding the hands and placing my trust in those around me to support me as I learn to stand on my own two feet. And invariably I have stumbled and I have fallen and I have experienced pain. I see now that I cannot rely on someone else to care enough about me to keep me safe. The only person who can do that is me. But what is truly amazing is that I am beginning to take a few steps on my own. And very soon I will be walking and even running to anywhere I choose to go. And when I begin to run there will be no way to stop me.

I AM the Light of Truth